Cultivate connection with authentic relating

Authentic Relating is an approach to cultivating connection and collaboration with others through greater integrity, openness, and empathy. This results in more mutually rewarding and genuine relationships.

This genuine way of relating is fundamental to the art of being human. It enhances all our relationships — at work, at home, with friends, with strangers, with family, and with colleagues.

When you try it for yourself:

• You’ll feel a greater sense of feeling comfortable in your own skin.
• Others will notice. They’ll feel more at ease being themselves with you. You’ll bring out their best.
• You’ll be more capable of working with tension and conflict, finding common ground more readily.

Authentic Relating is in part a social technology, an art, and a way of being with others. More than information, it’s practical know-how.

True authenticity doesn’t just happen on its own. Nor does it come out of a simple formula. It emerges from the raw potential within — your perspectives, your beliefs, your feelings, your values, and the qualities of character you’ve developed from experience along your life’s journey. Further, to lead a truly authentic life, you must embody and express it through your choices, your words, your actions, and your relationships.

Though no one can tell you what is authentic for you, you can learn how to better discover and enact it. You can learn to relate to others with greater transparency and congruence. In this sense, authenticity can be taught.

Authentic Relating offers an invitation to both reveal yourself and discover deeper layers within yourself. As you do, what’s best about you will shine through more fully and brightly. It also offers an invitation to carefully listen for what’s authentic in others. Do this well, and you’ll bring out their best.

Given the choice, most of us want our relationships to be genuine, mutual, and satisfying. And we want our work to be purposeful and meaningful. Authentic Relating puts the quality of relationships on equal footing with our shared goals and projects. How we relate matters as much as what we create. When we foster this quality in our collaborations now, we pave the way for more down the road.

Through Authentic Relating, others will like you more for who you are, rather than who you portray yourself to be. You’ll waste less effort in maintaining appearances. People will trust you more. You’ll develop a taste for authentic self-expression and genuine connection. You’ll wonder how you used to settle for less.

Authentic Relating doesn’t work according to a simple formula. It’s not a checklist. It’s not a linear procedure. It’s not a mould that makes everyone the same.

It is you who must form it from the raw potential within — your perspectives, your beliefs, your feelings, your values, and the qualities of character you’ve developed from experience along your life’s journey.  Though the practices are simple, they are not always easy.

Though no one can tell you what is authentic for you, you can learn how to better discover and express it. This reminds me of the film, The Matrix, when Morpheus says to Neo, “I can only show you the door. You’re the one who must walk through it.”

You will learn to:

• reveal what you know of yourself to others, and you will discover deeper layers within yourself you were previously unaware of. As you do, your best self will shine through more fully and brightly.
• carefully listen for what’s authentic in others. Do this well, and you’ll bring out their best. They’ll be more real with you.

The basic premises of Authentic Relating are easy to understand:

Most humans want genuine, mutual, and satisfying relationships. Everyone has the capacity to improve at cultivating these relationships. Improving at this is a Good Thing, not only for your own sake but also for your relationships, and in turn, for the broader world.

If you’ve read to this point, you now have a basic answer to the question “What is Authentic Relating?” and perhaps some clarity as to why you might be interested. I’ve barely scratched the surface as to how to do it in such a brief introduction. There is much more to learn from trying it out. You’ve got to want this for yourself – authentically. If you do not, you cannot truly begin.

The thing is, in most of today’s environments, we’re not developing socially the way our bodies evolved to connect — face-to-face and eye-to-eye; “The lack of attunement between people now is the norm.  With technology, people are just so out of tune with each other.” Some research results indicate this kind of “arrested social development” is on the rise in today’s children, as is loneliness and isolation in general.

Authentic Relating events are “…a place and excuse to connect with each other, which is most of what we need for wellness.”

Early experiences with Authentic Relating events will often lead to the discovery that the anxieties and upsets arising from the challenges of life are not unique to you. You’re not alone and knowing this can be a relief.

The real paydirt from Authentic Relating comes once you’ve internalized the principles, the skills, and ways of being to such a degree, that it’s like riding a bike, impossible to forget. This means you’ll be capable of creating the kind of connection you want and have the kind of impact you want in your day-to-day connections wherever, whenever, and with whomever you want.

You’ll find out more about how to have more genuine connections. You’ll grow in your ability to have the kind of impact you intend

Join me in my ongoing journey supporting others in reclaiming their natural birthright — authentic human connection. “Be the norm to communicate this way.” That’s the kind of world in which we deserve to live.

As a facilitator and trainer, I’ve worked with many people who courageously took the plunge to learn Authentic Relating for themselves, applying it to their relationships, both personal and professional. Now it’s my privilege to share it with you.