For decades, there has been an unwritten rule – emotions belong outside the workplace. A good employee is expected to be rational and modulated, while a good leader is expected to remain objective and in control. This is not always the case.

Our emotions often dictate our behaviours, and strong emotions or triggers can activate a tsunami of negative consequences. Some of us believe emotions are a ‘bad thing.’ I disagree. They are the messenger which often makes us feel unsafe. What we need to ask ourselves is, “how best to respond when you’re triggered.”

Since we were children, we have been taught to suppress how we feel, and we bottle it up until one day we explode. The same is true for us adults. In one of my training groups, I experienced this first-hand. This person had been working at the same company for 26 years, and one day she exploded. Her team was subjected to a prolonged outrage. “She literally vomited all her pent-up emotions,” is how someone put it. The participants left shaken and unable to interact with their manager. This is what happens when we’re not allowed to express our feelings.

There is a better way.

1. Name Them

Emotions are like a tidal wave – they come and go. When you are triggered, ask yourself, “Is this a fact, or a story I am telling myself?” Accurately naming how you feel is often the fastest way to reduce its hold on you.

2. Build in a delay

The gap between feeling and response is where good judgment lives. One slow breath before you answer. Five minutes before you reply to the email that made your stomach drop. And choose your setting — don’t deliver, or receive, charged feedback in a rushed hallway or a crowded meeting.

3. Treat it as a signal, not a verdict

Most workplace emotions point to a blocked goal or an unmet need, not a character flaw. Stress usually means demand has outpaced resource. Anger usually means something someone cares about is being obstructed. Before reacting to the emotion, ask what it’s pointing at — and whether the real cause is individual, managerial, or systemic.

4. Protect recovery, not just performance

Chronic overwhelm shrinks our brain’s capacity to regulate emotions — which means the fix often isn’t more willpower; it’s more recovery. Build short breaks into the day instead of pushing through. Take the walk. And if you’re the leader, model the boundary yourself — your team will only believe it’s permitted once they see you do it.

5. Create safety for other people’s emotions.

How you respond to someone else’s emotion decides whether they bring you the real problem next time, or quietly stop trying. Acknowledge what you’re noticing without judgment — “I can see this matters, take a moment” — and resist the urge to fix it immediately. Follow up afterwards. Don’t let the moment just get papered over. None of these requires a personality overhaul. They require a pause, a question, and a bit of practice